420 ftw
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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