I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize