bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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