eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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