her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
