i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize