he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
time to smoke my breakfast
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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