we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
