Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize