i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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