Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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