I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
