Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Alive.
So much puke
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize