You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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