good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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