she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
