thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
