We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
