i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
