I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
