Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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