Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He felt like a one man threesome
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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