Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
