I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
