break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
