Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
