You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize