he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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