sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
