Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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