Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
