Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
