its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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