I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
