Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
