I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
What a dumb baby whore.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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