she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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