I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
