i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
