i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
