Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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