Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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