I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
