tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
