you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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