just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Say something about gay babies.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
