I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
