first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
