Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize