Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
