I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
