Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
