This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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