Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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