guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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