I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
