thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
