then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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