Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
