Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
