Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize