I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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