He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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