I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
