i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize