I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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