ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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