I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
