One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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