Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
