hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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