the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
