I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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