Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i think i just lost a toe
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