i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
