He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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