yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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