But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
