Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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