I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
