yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
