One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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