I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize