1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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