I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Never joke about your clitoris.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
