we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
