Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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