Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
