Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
