There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
