wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
