nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
