His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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