remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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