well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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