Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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