I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
