see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
