How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
