plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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