There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
