know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize