At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
