Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
