I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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