Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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