Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
