I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
