he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
