Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize