Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
