he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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