i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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