I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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